I'm very close to my grandparents...they are wicked. My grandad can't be left alone in Costcos as he wheels himself off and starts playing the drums in the middle of the store. My grandma, well firstly she uses ebay (trendy huh) and secondly she was once quoted as saying 'I wish I could wear jeans and a shirt like Lady Di..but if I wore that I'd look like a lesbian.' Amazing.
Anyway so last night I went to my local. Actually let me explain about this. I NEVER choose to go to my local, my local chooses me. I will go to the newsagents and some evil bartender (who I really love) will stand in the window waving a glass of wine at me. Or someone I know will strategically place themselves outside so I can't get past. So last night was one of those I'll just go for a walk and end up getting drunk nights. I ended up drinking with my friend Joe. Now I used to have a big crush on Joe, then realised that he's quite individual and probably goes for the 'different' girls so I left him to it. Then my brother met him last weekend and LOVED him so kept pestering me to date him..anyway story short but I'm fickle minded so decided I did like him again. My friend Alan was also in the corner absolutely mashed. Alan is 60 odd, and is in the pub more than me- that's really saying something! The other day he warned me not to like Joe, and he staggers over to us and starts announcing that 'we'd make a good couple', luckily for me I am on FANTASTIC form and I simply laugh it off and tell Joe that he has more of a shot. So then for the next few hours Alan keeps asking me if I fancy Joe. I can't lie so I just change subject or avoid the question which aggrovates Alan who starts on some speech about youth ignoring old etc etc. So I think that I've got away with everything and pop outside with Joe for a cig. He suddenly looks at me 'So do you fancy me?' Dear God, I can't lie to save myself... I'm going red.... but then I pull it together 'I think you've very attractive but no.' Joe relaxes 'Phew That's good. See the thing is I don't have any good girl mates around here, and well I think we get on well and could see you being a good mate, which obviously if you liked me would be awkward.' I smile, of course we can be great mates (GREAT. another friend, got soo many bloody friends mysinglefriend.com could start a new website). Oh and the other benefit of this is that only an hour later because we're safe in the 'friend zone' he decides to share with me about all the girls he DOES fancy. I know that my name by all is 'honourary boy' but looking at the bartenders arse just so I can give him a fair opinion is beyond the call of a female wing man.
So thanks Alan for creating that! Old people..more trouble than they are worth. AND YES because of you 60 is now old.
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