I'm Here- Spike Jonze

Just want to recommend Spike Jonze's new short film 'I'm Here'. It's beautifully made, and seriously poetic so I'd recommend it to all.

See link --------> http://www.imheremovie.com/


Makes me wish I was a robot with an australian robot boyfriend.

The Photographer

I recieved a phone call from my brother yesterday asking for a favour. He'd managed to leave his bag in one of the Soho gay clubs and needed me to go get it for him. Today is my week off going into central but I decided to be a good sister for once. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I want to housesit for him when he's in Miami next week).
Just as I was leaving my friend called me up saying he was in Oxford Circus and did I fancy a drink, good timing. We met, (I ruined my diet yet again but only with a goats cheese wrap, I was tempted to spit in my diet's face with a KFC wrapstar but the diet demons got me) and headed to pick up my brother's bag. My friend is a photographer, he was picking up prints and has an interview for his BA tomorrow so was pretty nervous. Anyway I get to the club and have to listen to the WORST rendition of Boyzone playing...then some cute bartender comes out (gay of course, all the good ones are gay. Seriously ALL) and tries to locate the bag. Eventually it is found and we decide to head for a drink.
Here you need to be updated on my photographer friend. He is a young'n, just 20 years old (sounds patronising but it is so true that boys mature so much later than girls), he has a french girlfriend who he cheats on, and thinks he is the shit.
So we sit down at the bar and discuss how we both have interviews (haven't mentioned but in two hours I may just be a hired journalist)and I ask him interview questions. Can I please note that the photographer has not ONCE said well done to me about my interview, nor has he tried to help me out for my interview- despite the fact that I ask him about fifty warm up questions. Anyway his phone rings and it's the french girlfriend. 'Abi answer it..tell her i'm in the loo.' I look at him with my crazy face, 'you're kidding? I am not getting involved stop being such a kid and talk to her' So after whining at me I answer the phone and deal with the girlfriend. At this point she's called him 5 times, texted him 10 times and had no response. She's 19 though so I can allow her nuttiness, I for one was that psycho girl.. The poor thing cries down the phone to me, for all she knows I'm an evil temptress (I'm really not, a little bit of sick went into my mouth at the thought of even touching photographer- no offence). The photographer then decides he wants to make the girlfriend jealous, and knowing she is at work texts her colleague. Now here I see no logic? He claims to love her and yet decides this must be the best idea in order to make her love him more.
I am then dragged out of the bar, my YO MANGO is left (I NEVER leave alcohol, cardinal rule you shall not waste booze) and I am forced to be his 'back-up' when he goes to see the girlfriend at work. Luckily I am brought a glass of wine to say thank you and sit myself next to Andrew (the chef of my local with whom I have a great relationship after I decided he must have had a sex change and renamed him Aleysha) to watch the show.
The thing is I suddenly turn into some smart arse relationship expect even though I am the epitimy of a single girl. I sat there thinking how stupid they were, and this coming from a near 22 year old who last week went on a date, got drunk and told the date that 'all men hate me and ditch me for another woman'. RIGHT.
And the best thing? That camera loving sod hasn't even texted me today to say thanks or ask about MY interview. Instead I recieve a nice text saying 'interview went well. guy knew me from shoot. Wicked.'
Cheers, I want my YO MANGO back.

Dieting

So I have finally pushed myself to go on a diet. A horrible diet. A only eat soup for a week and occasionally push the boat out and have fruit diet.
I started yesterday and managed to consume soup and fruit until lunchtime when we visited my grandparents. My gran is an amazing cook and I resisted her food but helped myself to a slice of cheese when no one wasn't about (no one saw me so it definitely was not cheating). I then later on had soup again, and half a cucumber sandwich. The worst cheat however was probably the fact that I drank 4 glasses of wine, 1 bloody mary and a martini. I informed my mother of my cheat this morning and she decided to inform me that I might as well of just given up the diet and had a huge dinner for the amount of calories I drank. So on that note sod the cabbage soup for brekkie I'm off to have a bacon sarnie. 1 day wasn't bad.

Old people...actually quite funny

I'm very close to my grandparents...they are wicked. My grandad can't be left alone in Costcos as he wheels himself off and starts playing the drums in the middle of the store. My grandma, well firstly she uses ebay (trendy huh) and secondly she was once quoted as saying 'I wish I could wear jeans and a shirt like Lady Di..but if I wore that I'd look like a lesbian.' Amazing.

Anyway so last night I went to my local. Actually let me explain about this. I NEVER choose to go to my local, my local chooses me. I will go to the newsagents and some evil bartender (who I really love) will stand in the window waving a glass of wine at me. Or someone I know will strategically place themselves outside so I can't get past. So last night was one of those I'll just go for a walk and end up getting drunk nights. I ended up drinking with my friend Joe. Now I used to have a big crush on Joe, then realised that he's quite individual and probably goes for the 'different' girls so I left him to it. Then my brother met him last weekend and LOVED him so kept pestering me to date him..anyway story short but I'm fickle minded so decided I did like him again. My friend Alan was also in the corner absolutely mashed. Alan is 60 odd, and is in the pub more than me- that's really saying something! The other day he warned me not to like Joe, and he staggers over to us and starts announcing that 'we'd make a good couple', luckily for me I am on FANTASTIC form and I simply laugh it off and tell Joe that he has more of a shot. So then for the next few hours Alan keeps asking me if I fancy Joe. I can't lie so I just change subject or avoid the question which aggrovates Alan who starts on some speech about youth ignoring old etc etc. So I think that I've got away with everything and pop outside with Joe for a cig. He suddenly looks at me 'So do you fancy me?' Dear God, I can't lie to save myself... I'm going red.... but then I pull it together 'I think you've very attractive but no.' Joe relaxes 'Phew That's good. See the thing is I don't have any good girl mates around here, and well I think we get on well and could see you being a good mate, which obviously if you liked me would be awkward.' I smile, of course we can be great mates (GREAT. another friend, got soo many bloody friends mysinglefriend.com could start a new website). Oh and the other benefit of this is that only an hour later because we're safe in the 'friend zone' he decides to share with me about all the girls he DOES fancy. I know that my name by all is 'honourary boy' but looking at the bartenders arse just so I can give him a fair opinion is beyond the call of a female wing man.
So thanks Alan for creating that! Old people..more trouble than they are worth. AND YES because of you 60 is now old.

Age before beauty..

It used to be that the older you are, the wiser you are, but it would seem that nowadays age holds no relevance. In a world where women are facing an everyday battle to maintain their youth, it seems that getting older is every woman’s nightmare. But it is not just a woman’s looks that are under threat, more and more women are seeing their careers put on hold as a much younger version of themselves waltzes in to replace them. Last year for example saw the sacking of Strictly Come Dancing judge Arlene Phillips for the much younger Alesha Dixon. Following this Radio 1 DJ Jo Whiley soon found her daytime radio show moved to a later time in place of teenage icon Fearne Cotton.

So why are more and more professional women seeing their jobs under threat just because of their age? In our image conscious society it appears to be presumed that the younger the woman, the better image a company/product receives. More often than not a younger woman is brought in by a male employer and with a specific purpose, to appeal to the clients. In other words experience is out of the window and instead that leggy blonde who interns in your office could be waltzing off with your Christmas bonus, and your job.

There is hope however. The sacking of Arlene Phillips off Strictly Come Dancing caused uproar among women everywhere. Alesha Dixon faced criticism over her judging skills, with many comparing her limited knowledge of dancing with her predecessor Arlene’s experience. Celebrity icons such as Helen Mirren, Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon have also proved that there is no shortage of successful older women. Winning Oscars, and being photographed in bikinis on the beach, they show us that no matter what age you can be hugely successful and glamorous in your career. It would seem that the tables are turning. Perhaps soon being older will not be a curse, but instead will be a privilege.

Relationships...FAUX PAS

It may sound ridiculous but at the age of 21 I can easily say that I have made or experienced every relationship mistake in the book.
For example there was the first date with the perfect rugby player which saw me unable to refuse all the drinks he brought me. He ended up putting a slurring me in a taxi whilst I dropped called him continuously at 4am.
Or there’s the guy I was seeing last year who proceeded to tell me a few weeks into us dating that he was also seeing someone else, that he hoped this wasn’t a problem and that because of this no photos of us together could be uploaded onto Facebook.
In fact in the last year I have been dumped for an ex, received a rude email from an ex boyfriend on Valentines Day, been ditched for the other woman, looked at a guy’s phone whilst he was in the shower (and then proceeded to tell him I had when drunk) and have even been stalked.
You see at the age of 21 I am certain that I could write a book on what not to do in/on/or during dating. Relaying these anecdotes to my friends I was taken aside by a good guy friend and informed that he felt this was purely due to my fear of commitment. According to him I purposely messed up on these dates or found men that were inadequate as then commitment would not be an issue.
Strange but probably true. Don’t get me wrong I still dream of holidays to South Africa, Christmas gifts from Tiffany’s, my perfect white wedding and even the three children that follow, it’s just I refuse to lower my expectations.
My ideal man is tall, South African/Irish/Australian (insert nationality), a doctor, hugely sarcastic, a great speller, and is also a great rugby player. Is that really too much to ask for?
Probably. So until my Mr Perfect does arrive I will continue making and experiencing these relationship mistakes, safe in the knowledge that I can and will do better. And who knows, with all this experience I could even write a book!