Contact...

This is pretty awkward. It's similar to that thank-you letter you send out for some crappy birthday present to a weird aunt about 8 months too late. I haven't written since september. That's 9 months ago...I could have had a baby in that time. I haven't but I could have. I'd love to lie and say that so much has happened. I've cured cancer, finally did that bungee jump and have now met Mr Right but honestly? Bugger all has happened. I found two pounds under the sofa. That my friends was a great day. I've made a pact with myself however. From now on I am to write at least one blog post a week. AT LEAST. This is going to be a mid year resolution that I do keep. Unlike the four I made this year about playing hard to get, going to the gym more, reading National Enquirer and losing the word 'poppet' from my vocabulary. FAIL. So what to tell you about the 9 months...truthfully. For one my love life still remains a topic that I could make an encyclopedia out of i.e. A is for Asshole (see Chris, Tom, Dave for more definitions). I could speel it all out but let's be honest it's pretty same old by now. I will say however that my latest guy ended things with me via bbm. He informed me that the distance between where we live was too great. He lives in Clapham. I live in North London. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a load of (insert ladylike swear word). What else has happened? Well turns out I'm a whizz in the kitchen. Not sure if I have mentioned this before but I am head of the schools cooking club. (Don't actually believe I'm some whizz in order to get this position I was not tested whatsoever. Nor was I given a stopwatch, a turnip, five day old brie and an old shoe and told to make a child-friendly dish in 4 minutes). Anyway so turns out whatever I'm doing works because the cooking club is OVER capacity. I now have 30 kids to help teach how to hold a knife, beat the shit out of fruit with rolling pins. GOOD TIMES. And guess that ticks the whole box marked 'links with the community'. Bar that I'm now 24 but still getting ID'd for booze and cig so still looking 7 years younger and doing bugger all to help this fact. I have also discovered I love Ben Howard, that I have no immune system whatsoever and that my gaydar is awful. That's a great story I want to tell but I honestly can't yet for fear of being sued by Conde Nast. ADIOS Poppets. I'm off to book my surfing retreat to Portugal. WHY? Because I've changed (and groupon have an offer).